How toxic positivity almost ruined my life
Photo by Jules D
Hello again my love.
Before I found life coaching I used to think I was supposed to feel happy and positive…
all. the. time.
I would RUN, not walk away from my negative emotions.
A master avoider. A professional resistor.
I would start by pretending that the negative emotions weren’t really there. I’d put on a metaphorical blind fold and some invisible earplugs—call it good.
As a result of all this faking, the emotions inevitably grew bigger and bigger. Then I’d blame myself for not feeling more grateful and happy with what I had.
Like somehow my experiencing negative emotions meant that I was a selfish, egotistical, ass hole?
This train wreck of a cycle continued to add negative emotion ON TOP of my already existing negative emotion.
ENTER: shame and the very convincing belief that something was inherently wrong with me.
I promise you, I thought this whole spectacle was the only way to go about it. I thought having negative emotions meant I was doing something terribly wrong.
Instead of having compassion, patience, and empathy for the way I felt, I was about as heartless as a Russian dictator. This entire dog and pony show was disconnecting me from myself. It was alienating me from myself AND my loved ones. It was severing the last bit of trust I had within myself.
It was an integrity disaster.
And I was the one causing it.
Don’t get me wrong, I was completely well intentioned. I was subconsciously trying to protect myself from the emotional “ouchies.” But at the end of the day I wasn’t protecting myself at all, I was creating unnecessary suffering within.
It blew my mind to realize that I couldn’t ignore my emotions and invalidate the way I felt without it hurting me. It also blew my mind to learn that my negative emotions weren’t morally wrong or bad, they were just a part of the human experience.
Half the time I’ll feel positive.
Half the time I’ll feel negative.
Those are the rules. And they apply to everyone, even me.
Learning to embrace, process, and allow for my negative emotion was exactly what I needed, and exactly what I learned how to do. When I stopped resisting and avoiding my negative emotions and started facing them unafraid, I finally understood what it meant to experience your life fully, not just get through it as fast as possible.
My ability to be present increased. My relationships improved.
I could focus on bigger and better things, like setting awesome goals, and stop wasting away in a state of shame.
Toxic positivity is so normalized today we don’t even realize we’re doing it. But once you stop buying into the lie that you should feel happy and grateful all the time, ironically enough, you start to feel happier and grateful more often.
Your friendly coach,
Ellicia
