Conflict is Peaceful
Photo by Tamera Gak
5/5/20
Steven and I can disagree with each other often.
Which I think is beautiful and powerful as we teach each other things our souls are both longing to learn.
I used to fear conflict. Now I lovingly embrace it.
I understand him as my teacher.
As my outlet to practice embodying love and connection.
I started to wonder why I haven’t been filling up pages upon pages about him, like I used to in relationships.
Now I see it’s because I’ve learned the most valuable lesson: that my love never moves outside of me.
There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.
I used to be so quick to displace and completely lose all of my love in the hands of another.
I would fill pages with confused and lost thoughts about how terrible that felt.
I’d spend so much time hoping for a partnership that felt more securely controlled.
That way conflict could be avoided at all costs.
I hoped to successfully learn how to control another person, so I’d never have to fear losing my love again.
Now I understand how backwards these thoughts and feelings are.
Here in this new place, after all I have unlearned, I find myself still, quiet, and peaceful.
Finally.
There’s nothing to worry about or fear.
There are no more future conclusions to draw ahead of time or needs to anticipate.
My love has become overwhelmingly simple, safe and easy.
I have no desire to block him in, control him, or force him to follow specific conditions.
That’s none of my business.
He is completely free. And so am I.
I let it all come and go at will, knowing it’s right.
I seem to be so quiet on the subject and there’s good reason.
Because real love is so quiet and peaceful.
I could hope that we would always align, that there would never be any friction, that he would alway reinforces me in every way.
But then where would all of the growth live?
Where would new intimacies be born?
When would we ever learn something new about ourselves?
So no, I don’t hope for those things anymore.
I hope for whatever is to come, exactly as it does.
Because now I’m a fervent lover of reality.
