Perfectionism is a Liability
Photo by Sincerely Media
Hello again my love.
Do you identify as a perfectionist?
Do you even use it as a badge of honor occasionally?
Perfectionism is the belief that attaining perfection in our image, work, finances, relationships, and collection of material things is the only viable option for us. Anything that falls short of our ideal of perfection is unworthy, shameful and needs to be ‘fixed’ as soon as possible.
Perfectionism means we actually believe we (or something we create) can become perfect.
Someday.
Somehow.
Perfectionists are constantly imagining a future where everything will finally be perfect and we will finally be allowed to feel ‘good’ in our lives.
Good meaning: free, joyful, fulfilled. present, grateful, loving, powerful, strong, etc.
Here’s the truth.
Perfectionism is a lie. It’s a fluke. It’s a fantasy.
Because this future day will never come.
We think if we are critical and demanding enough of ourselves NOW we will someday get to that imaginary finish line in the future where we cross and —POOF— all of our shitty thoughts will disappear.
What actually happens is we move forward in life, maybe make a change or two, but then immediately find more flaws or glitches or defects that deem our circumstances “not perfect enough” no matter how much we achieve or attain.
And then we’re right back where we started to repeat the cycle again.
Our emotions are never caused by the work we do in our careers, by our romantic partners, or by the way our bodies look. They are caused by our own current thoughts.
And when our current thoughts are constantly ruminating on how we aren’t good enough yet, that feels terrible!
The rat race of chasing imaginary-future-perfection in order to avoid the discomfort of feeling unworthy and shameful NOW is addicting. And once the momentum is there, it can feel impossible to get off.
But it’s extraordinarily damaging to our emotional life and our relationship to ourself to simply settle for deeming ourselves unworthy instead of changing our perfectionist mindset.
The sinister part is, our thoughts are never going to explicitly say “I’m so unworthy.” This is all in our subconscious. Our brains won’t ever spell it out for us.
Instead, the thoughts sound like, “I just need to work out 5 times a week and lose 15 pounds. I just need to get this promotion and then I’ll feel better. I just need to find a boyfriend and I’ll stop feeling so insecure.”
There may be some dopamine hits along the road that convince us these things are indeed what we need to feel better.
But to truly feel better, to feel the kind of wellbeing your authentic self really desires, that requires ridding yourself of perfectionism.
This is possible.
Perfectionism is not a part of your genetic make-up, it’s not a life sentence or a permanent part of your identity.
It’s a subconscious thought pattern. And our brains are equipped and ready to change all the subconscious patterns that are no longer serving us.
Perfectionism is not serving ANY of us.
It’s holding us back from enjoying right where we are in life.
It’s a way we learned, a long time ago, to protect ourselves from ever dreaming too big or feeling too happy
I say dream big now, feel happy now.
Don’t allow perfectionism to keep whispering lies into your ear.
If you’d like to learn how to stop being a perfectionist and start feeling good now, book a free 30 minute coaching session with me and we can get you started in the right direction.
