Lovability
Photo by Pauline Loroy
When I think of the word lovability, I immediately think of my dog.
I love everything about her.
How soft she is, how happy and curious she is, how she gets all excited every time we go for a walk.
Most people relate to this sentiment about their own pets.
Pets are so incredibly easy for us to love, even when they make mistakes. Even if they pee on the carpet or bark like a lunatic, we easily return to loving them unconditionally.
I recognize that my dog is 100% lovable, period.
However, when I talk about her lovability, it actually has nothing to do with her.
Her lovability has everything to do with my capacity— my ability—to love her.
That’s what lovability is.
Lovability doesn’t accurately reveal who is lovable and who is not, it just reveals an individual’s ability of whether or not they can love another being.
This is easy to conceptualize with our animals, because we understand that all animals are worthy/lovable just for simply existing. If a person treats a dog terribly we don’t blame the dog. We immediately recognize it’s not the animal’s fault, it’s a reflection of the person exhibiting the abusive behavior. We would never say, “That dog deserved to be abused!” We would look to the person punishing them and notice that they don’t have the capacity to love a dog.
When we remove animals from this concept… we don’t find the process as easy.
For some reason we have a hard time accepting that all humans are 100% lovable and worthy, simply because they exist. We push back on this idea constantly. We have unconscious rules and expectations for humans and if they aren’t closely followed we quickly revoke a human’s innate worth.
The truth is, we don’t hold that kind of power.
Our attempts to apply moral value to the decisions humans make and then grade them on an invisible, made up scale of morality afterward is a futile waste of energy. “Right” and “wrong” decisions are a construct of the mind, not a concrete truth existing in reality.
Operating under this level of madness and confusion was bound to make us feel crazy and disconnected eventually. It doesn’t make any sense.
Instead of instantly returning to love like we do with our animals, we are more inclined to hold grudges against humans. We attempt to “punish” humans for the mistakes they have made by withholding love, giving the silent treatment, or seeking revenge.
We inherited these tactics through the generations that came before us. These folks never really knew how to manage their emotions. These people were deeply hurt and traumatized and didn’t have the tools or resources to navigate their emotions. It’s not about blame, it’s about being the change.
It’s time to change this unspoken rule book. It’s time to reconnect to ourselves so we can reconnect with each other. Because the way we treat other humans is always a reflection of the way we treat ourselves.
The way we choose to treat other people is never an accurate representation of their worth, because each human’s worth is set at 100%, all of the time. The way we choose to treat other people is a reflection of our own ability to have and experience love.
In order to have and experience love we must learn how to love and forgive ourselves first.
Remind yourself this week that you are 100% lovable and 100% worthy, no matter what you do. Stop judging yourself and others against this invisible scale of morality and begin practicing the art of loving yourself like you would your favorite pet. Once you have mastered that, then you can begin practicing loving other humans like you would your favorite pet.
