Change is Uncomfortable (straight from the river of misery)
Photo by Echo Wang
1/16/22
Ah! I’m in such a bad mood.
Is it collective generational trauma?
Is it capitalism & our oppressive culture of white supremacy?
Is it covid?
Is it all my own thoughts?
It’s always my own thoughts.
Why aren’t I walking the talk?
Am I a fraud?
How can I help others when I feel like this?
I want to scream.
I could sit and write all fucking day and I still wouldn’t have all these thoughts out of me.
I’m freaking out. I’m losing it.
I’m so overwhelmed by everything I still have to learn.
I’m behind, I’m lost.
I’m not getting anywhere because I’m so scattered.
I realize my brain is ADHD.
I would love to learn more about that.
I’m at a standstill.
People that are changing things and anchoring in their abundance and thriving… I’d like to join them.
But this hump is huge.
Can I clear this?
How do I get past this bullshit?
The sheer anger and shame I feel.
The constant doubt I feel about my abilities.
The fear I feel from thinking I’ll never really be able to change.
I feel like I can’t do anything right.
I’m failing.
It’s all evidence I’m behind.
My brain is broken.
I can’t relax.
What do I need right now?
To pray?
To practice gratitude?
To give up completely?
